Don Miguel Ruiz “The Four Agreements.” It’s not always easy to be full of festive cheer when tense feelings lurk beneath the Christmas tree. Family gatherings can trigger old dynamics and emotions, even when we feel we’ve personally resolved them. By responding differently, we can break patterns and turn a problem into an opportunity for understanding and […]
Sometimes when I say that I teach conflict resolution the response is a quizzical look as the person waits for me to explain. Or perhaps they’re just looking at me funny and I still haven’t got the hint! So what does conflict resolution (CR) actually mean? And what effective tools does it provide for interpersonal […]
The other day I happened to pass by a football game and saw someone kick the ball out of play. Instantly there were groans from the pitch and a loud and matter-of-fact “Sorry!” from the player concerned. I watched on as the ball was thrown back in and the players returned to their jobs. So […]
It is said that no one else is responsible for how we interpret a situation and the feelings this raises in us. One type of response in these situations may be “This is your stuff”, or, if I’m owning it, I may say: ‘This is my stuff’. In other words, this is a projection, or […]
I recently moved from a seaside town to a city, which constituted a ‘big’ move. Throughout it, I felt a whole wave of emotions pulse through me – exhilaration, readiness, anticipation, anxiety and apprehension . . . all of which continued well into my arrival. At the local pool, I found myself seeing similarities between strangers […]
“I do not see life as it is, I see life as I am” Byron Katie When our wounds and fears determine our perspectives, and our perceptions perpetuate our wounds, we are caught in a vicious cycle. This cycle escalates conflict, both within us and with others. One’s thinking and feeling-filters determine how we […]
“Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future” Paul Boese Forgiveness means letting go of resentment and retaliation by recognizing that perpetuating the conflict only hurts us more. While an authentic apology can be effective in restoring interpersonal relations, forgiveness goes one step further; it enables healing and allows each person […]
Two days ago, under the media’s spotlight, Argentinian President Cristina Kirchner handed David Cameron an envelope containing documents regarding the sovereignty of the Falklands/Malvinas. Cameron refused the document having been advised that it was a ‘media stunt’. His reaction has caused a political and diplomatic backlash of harsh words and ‘vigorous’ statements (Cameron’s word). In […]
Our minds can race faster than a Ferrari Testa Rossa! Our assumptions are triggers in conflict. How we see life, ourselves and others can create, escalate or de-escalate a situation. A thought can take hold and before we know it, it’s overtaken our thinking. Such thoughts are often based on suppositions we take as ‘fact’. […]
THE BLAME-GAME: why and how it happens, its impact on our self-esteem and how to disengage. When things go wrong at work, with someone in the service industry, socially or at home, we engage in a blame-game to defend our shaken self-esteem. As our instinctual reaction to defend ourselves kicks in, we remain locked in […]
