Bully; Arrogant; Loser; Taker Narcissist; Bi-polar; Victim, Addict “Middle-class”; “Working-class”; “Posh” *&%@! (Offensive words based on race, ethnicity, religion, sexuality and gender) “Terrorist Sympathiser”; “Terrorist” . . . They are all labels; used disparagingly, and frequently, in all areas life. They stigmatise, exclude, polarise, pigeonhole and stereotype. Labels exist, and will continue to exist – […]
Is resentment holding you back? What can you do to change the situation in a constructive and empowering way? Years ago, when I was adapting to the nuances of the English language, I asked a friend “Do you say: “to bear a grudge or ‘to bear grudge’?” (i.e. without the ‘a’) His answer: “It depends […]
Most of us are familiar with guilt; be it through a feeling of wrongdoing, or as a driver for something we ‘ought’ to do. When either of these experiences takes hold the result is a cocktail of resentment, blame and power struggles. If our reaction is to: attack, or rescue and placate, or take […]
The other day flying back from a trip I overheard two interesting arguments that got stuck in blame with no understanding for either side. We had been waiting at the gate at the appointed boarding time for over half an hour with no announcements and no signs of life from ground staff. Frustration and anxiety […]
Sometimes when I say that I teach conflict resolution the response is a quizzical look as the person waits for me to explain. Or perhaps they’re just looking at me funny and I still haven’t got the hint! So what does conflict resolution (CR) actually mean? And what effective tools does it provide for interpersonal […]
Our style of communication develops at an early age when we adopt defense mechanisms that we feel protect us from harm and punishment. This learning reflects our personality, self-esteem and it is adopted from our environment. In our adulthood these styles become instinctive defense mechanisms, conscious or unconscious modus operandi, and they rarely work… […]
It is said that no one else is responsible for how we interpret a situation and the feelings this raises in us. One type of response in these situations may be “This is your stuff”, or, if I’m owning it, I may say: ‘This is my stuff’. In other words, this is a projection, or […]
I’ve been reading Arnold Mindell’s book “The Deep Democracy of Open Forums” and in it he mentions that clapping can be used to support one speaker in favour of another – a ‘point-scoring’ system if you like. So I started thinking about ‘clapping’ – as you do…! As a society we regard clapping to be an […]
I recently moved from a seaside town to a city, which constituted a ‘big’ move. Throughout it, I felt a whole wave of emotions pulse through me – exhilaration, readiness, anticipation, anxiety and apprehension . . . all of which continued well into my arrival. At the local pool, I found myself seeing similarities between strangers […]
“I do not see life as it is, I see life as I am” Byron Katie When our wounds and fears determine our perspectives, and our perceptions perpetuate our wounds, we are caught in a vicious cycle. This cycle escalates conflict, both within us and with others. One’s thinking and feeling-filters determine how we […]
