Menu

Clearer Communication

BOUNCING BACK: HOW DO YOU REACT WHEN YOU OR YOUR TEAMMATES MAKE A MISTAKE? DO YOU STAY STUCK IN RESENTMENT OR BOUNCE BACK TO THE TASK AT HAND?

  The other day I happened to pass by a football game and saw someone kick the ball out of play. Instantly there were groans from the pitch and a loud and matter-of-fact “Sorry!” from the player concerned.  I watched on as the ball was thrown back in and the players returned to their jobs. So […]

Read more...

Communication styles: when our defense mechanisms lead us into trouble and strife. What style are you and how assertive can you be?

  Our style of communication develops at an early age when we adopt defense mechanisms that we feel protect us from harm and punishment. This learning reflects our personality, self-esteem and it is adopted from our environment. In our adulthood these styles become instinctive defense mechanisms, conscious or unconscious modus operandi, and they rarely work… […]

Read more...

“This is your stuff!” Where does the buck stop and mindfulness begin?

It is said that no one else is responsible for how we interpret a situation and the feelings this raises in us. One type of response in these situations may be “This is your stuff”, or, if I’m owning it, I may say: ‘This is my stuff’.  In other words, this is a projection, or […]

Read more...

TO CLAP OR NOT TO CLAP? AN INTERCHANGEABLE ACT OF REWARD AND PUNISHMENT.

I’ve been reading Arnold Mindell’s book “The Deep Democracy of Open Forums” and in it he mentions that clapping can be used to support one speaker in favour of another – a ‘point-scoring’ system if you like. So I started thinking about ‘clapping’ – as you do…! As a society we regard clapping to be an […]

Read more...

New year and new beginnings: or does moving out of the comfort zone lead to transference and repeating dynamics?

I recently moved from a seaside town to a city, which constituted a ‘big’ move. Throughout it, I felt a whole wave of emotions pulse through me – exhilaration, readiness, anticipation, anxiety and apprehension . . . all of which continued well into my arrival. At the local pool, I found myself seeing similarities between strangers […]

Read more...

HOW DO PERCEPTIONS AND PERSPECTIVES ESCALATE CONFLICT?

“I do not see life as it is, I see life as I am” Byron Katie   When our wounds and fears determine our perspectives, and our perceptions perpetuate our wounds, we are caught in a vicious cycle. This cycle escalates conflict, both within us and with others. One’s thinking and feeling-filters determine how we […]

Read more...

HOW IS SILENCE USED IN CONFLICT: AS TIME-OUT OR AS A POSITION? WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE TWO AND THEIR EFFECTS ON ITS RESOLUTION?

One’s relationship to silence is very personal. One may feel comfortable or uncomfortable with it. There are those who feel the need to fill the empty spaces with words and those who are happy for silence to fall naturally. Silence can bond or divide. It can be a pause, a breath one takes in a […]

Read more...

FORGIVENESS RELEASES US FROM ANY RESENTMENT WE MAY STILL HOLD; BUT WHAT ARE THE COSTS AND GAINS OF FORGIVING ANOTHER?

“Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future” Paul Boese Forgiveness means letting go of resentment and retaliation by recognizing that perpetuating the conflict only hurts us more. While an authentic apology can be effective in restoring interpersonal relations, forgiveness goes one step further; it enables healing and allows each person […]

Read more...

WHAT MAKES AN APOLOGY AUTHENTIC AND EFFECTIVE AS A RESOLUTION OF CONFLICT?

An apology is often regarded as providing closure to a conflict situation. But how it’s done and the reasons for giving it can either bring about resolution or further resentment. So what constitutes an authentic apology and why? And how can it be delivered effectively? One’s definition of an apology, like one’s attitude to conflict, […]

Read more...

WANT TO TALK? CHECK YOUR TIMING AND ULTIMATUMS – THE INTERNATIONAL ARENA IS AGOOD MIRROR OF INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT.

Two days ago, under the media’s spotlight, Argentinian President Cristina Kirchner handed David Cameron an envelope containing documents regarding the sovereignty of the Falklands/Malvinas. Cameron refused the document having been advised that it was a ‘media stunt’. His reaction has caused a political and diplomatic backlash of harsh words and ‘vigorous’ statements (Cameron’s word). In […]

Read more...